What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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