Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
