therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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