I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
