No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
