She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
