so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
