Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
