What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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