Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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