I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You made out with two different species that night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
