Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
