I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
