I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
