just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
