So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize