I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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