U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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