Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
