Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
