so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
