I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You can't special order awesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
