I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
