Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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