I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Come on in and take your pants off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
