i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
