I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
