kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
