My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
MIDGETS
????
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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