i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
