it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
