I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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