we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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