I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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