she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
God, I missed his penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
