hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
