There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just invented taco cereal.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
