1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
