Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
