Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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