u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
