so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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