and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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