are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
