$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize