So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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