Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
