im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
