cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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