You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
