you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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