Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
