So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
