Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
