You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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