We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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