if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
