...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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