You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
another moral hangover. fuck.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
