Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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