I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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