That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
