thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So. Much. Porn.
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