I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
