I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
