you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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