just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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