hotel room ftw
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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