hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
