He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
