Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
