...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
