I just made out with a guy for $7.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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