The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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