Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
