home. puking in laundry basket.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
