Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
