How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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