In the future we'll all be gay
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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