"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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