you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
