Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
