the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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