The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
