We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
