Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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