last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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