Dual....:-)
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
