did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
