Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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