I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize