Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
