I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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