On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
