How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize