Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
