Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
