Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
