She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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