.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
