Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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