What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
